cross-cultural taroffing

I thought 'tarof' was something only the persians did and furthermore, only in circumstances involving food.

To all the non-persians out there, or should i say, the non-persians who are yet to come across persians in food-involving moments, 'tarof' is a farsi term which in simple translation means to impose.

It can involve two types of situations (and as previously mentioned, nearly always in the context of food):

1) you are really full but your grandmother insists you down another helping of her rice

2) you are dying for a cup of tea but deny one just to not burden the host with the hassle of pressing the 'on' button on the kettle and dropping a tea bag in a cup

Basically tarof is the opposite of being assertive or honest, and usually for the sake of being generous or thoughtful.

Now in Slovakia and admist crowds of refreshingly non-Persian homo sapiens, i did not expect to be confronted by episodes of taroffing. I taught myself to respect when someone claimed to be "full" and likewise overcame my fear of admitting when i needed to be caffeinated.

But like many occasions, i found myself completely wrong. Yes, the whole "taroffing over food" thing doesnt really happen here, but in this country, locals and visitors alike have committed intellectual property fraud and have virtually copied the persians in their taroffing. And this has led to considerable confusions over the last couple of weeks...

You see, when youre in a foreign country, you try to empathise as much as you can with the people you are talking to in the attempt of better understanding what they are saying. You also try your hardest to accomodate for the person youre talking with - slipping in the occassional Slovak word youve picked up, over-using hand gestures and talking clearer and definately without sarcasm. This usually contributes to a more fluid and comprehensive discussion with your foreign friend. This is, of course, when the 'accomodating' for is one-sided. I'll show you what i mean...

When two people - both of dissimilar ethnic backgrounds - are putting themselves in each others cultural shoes, havoc occurs. They are both taroffing - putting the other's cultural understandings and interpretations before their own.

Episode 1: Mona, Pavel and the unidentified 'no'

You need not be told what 'no' in English means. In Slovak 'no' is an abbreviation for 'ano' which means yes. In this way, a Slovak "no" is equivalent to an English "yea" - the faster, lazier way of getting your message across.

My colleague, Pavel, speaks great English. But my Slovak is getting better and slowly im getting 'in' with all the slangs and colloqualisms. This makes things messy.

Mona: Pavel, do i print the newsletter out in black-and-white?

Pavel tarofs. 'Poor little Australian girl. i bet she's had a hard time communicating with people here. Being the great person that i am, i shall speak to her in English despite the fact that i know she has the potential to understand me even if i wanted to reply to her in Slovak'

Pavel: no

Mona tarofs. 'He is a Slovak man in his home country. He should enjoy speaking his own language and probably is on this hectic Wednesday morning. He means 'yes'.' Mona prints the newsletters black-and-white.

Mona distributes newsletters to parents. Pavel grabs a copy.

Pavel: Mona!? i said not to do it in black-and white?!